There's something very comforting in knowing that you can work through an issue with a friend, however big or small the issue may be.
I leave for Italy in 2 weeks. 2 weeks from right now, I will be either on an airplane or in Athens, Greece. I'm mildly terrified, but I think I've resigned to the fact that I'm going. I'm starting to get a little excited for my five weeks in Europe. Followed by a week at home, and 5 weeks in Canada. This summer is going to be the craziest of my life.
I don't know why I'm surprised that I start becoming close to new people just in time to leave for three months. Or why I'm surprised that I start discussing the prospect of dating someone (kind of joking, but definitely kind of not) just before I leave for three months. I definitely don't know why I'm surprised when things are completely okay after a slight bump in the road of friendship. Whatever. I give up.
Remember the Young Life kid I'm tutoring? He is killing it. I am so proud of him. His dad told me that it's looking like the kid will get to go to camp this summer. Heck. Yes. I already liked this kid a lot. In fact, he was the very first kid I met almost three years ago when I started Young Life in Wichita. We have definitely gotten a lot closer because of this tutoring experience. He has really shown me the importance of having someone believe in you. He has taught me what it means to fulfill a need for someone I care about. And he has definitely affirmed my desire to teach. I swear, if I can get this kid to enjoy studying vocab, then I can teach anyone how to sing. Fact. I went to his house last week to encourage him to start a project. He pulls up his computer and shows me that he is already seventy percent done on the project. It blew my mind. I think he just needed someone to care and to take a little time. He's doing all the work. It makes my job so easy.
Dr. Crum has this uncanny ability to always be right, always be sassy, and teach me more about life and faith than I ever would have expected. She tells me exactly how it is, to the point of it being really hard to take some days. But I know she loves me, even when she is telling me I'm a lazy student (she's right. always). When I finally agreed to go to Italy this summer, she said "Oh good! I can have my husband meet me over there, and we can work on this while we are there and this and that and this and that." and went on for a couple minutes. And then she stopped and said "I mean, that's if you're okay with my going". I looked at her and said "Dotty, I wouldn't have it any other way" for which I got a lot of grief, because she hates "Dotty". Ever read the poem "Our Deepest Fear"?
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
The other day in our lesson, she was telling me something about needing to live up to my full potential, and basically summarized this poem without meaning to. I love this part "Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world." How more cut and dry can it be? We are gifted with various things for a reason. This is why I don't relate to the insecurity that follows many singers. I don't care what anyone else is capable of, in that it has absolutely zero bearing on what I am capable of doing. I know that I have my own instrument, and I have something that offer that no one else has. Everyone has something unique to offer. God gives us gifts because He wants us to use them. That gift could be teaching, singing, something athletic, writing, engineering, sewing, the list goes on and on. I think our culture makes it difficult to identify what we are bad at, and inversely what we are good at. We are of the "consolation prize" society. "Good try. Just because you participated, here is a prize". I think that cheapens success, and it can mute the encouragement of loss. In our culture, it is frowned upon to be great at something, or at least to share it. If a person talks about what they are great it, they are classified as arrogant. Humility, to us, is in not discussing our strengths. I think humility is identifying where your strengths come from, and giving credit where credit is due. You can share your gifts without bragging. And using our gifts, sharing our gifts, is what it is all about. What good is your voice if you don't speak? I have had a lot of hesitation about this trip to Italy, and Dr. Crum said "Sean, God has provided this opportunity for you. He has given you this voice, and people will be drawn to you because of it. So dammit, use it! You don't have to be a performer, but you should definitely grow your gifts to its full potential, and you should share that with people when you have the opportunity".
When I first started typing this post, to be quite honest, I wasn't sure which direction I wanted to take. I honestly thought it would be a post about friendships. Turns out I was wrong. Although, friendships can exemplify gifts. I have been blessed with friends that support me in my gifts. I have been blessed with friends that participate in my gifts with me. Accompanying for my friends is one of my all time favorite things. Something about being in that support position, and creating together, just gets me. Listening to a friend can be a gift, not only to them, but also a gift that God has given. Some people are bad listeners. It is a fact. To be frank, figuring out your gift can be difficult. I've been fortunate enough to know that I wanted to teach music since I was in first grade. Sometimes figuring out what your gift is in fine, but knowing what you want to do with that is the tricky part. But life cannot happen without experiences. Gifts cannot be uncovered without experiencing the world.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
I love that. I encourage you, friends, to make manifest the glory of God that is within you. But, Sean, I don't know what it is. Well, find out. Explore the world. Volunteer. Start a rebellion. Backpack through Europe. Take a road trip. Hug a friend. Let a friend love you. Cross something off your bucket list. Sing a song. Dance. And most of all, have yourself some Shenanigans.
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