If someone gets that title reference, they will be my hero. Although the quote is actually talking about the difference between friends and dating, I'm talking about friends. I'm an intense friend. It is a fact of life. I'm also high maintenance. I don't show it on the outside, but I am. In addition to all of that, I'm hyper sensitive to people's demeanor, tone, and general feelings. It's obnoxious. So, add hyper-sensitivity to an already moderately insecure person when it comes to relationships, and you have me. Hot mess express, let me tell you.
I suck at being friends with guys. I'm much better at hanging out with girls. They like to sit and talk. They are more willing to discuss feelings. I'm all about it. However, and I speak from experience, tell a guy "Hey, this is making feel like *insert emotion here*" and see what happens. You'll likely get the "uh..." or the deer in the head lights, or they will laugh and think you're joking. So then you're in this awkward situation where you can choose to run and hide (my personal favorite), play it off as a joke, or awkwardly change the subject and pretend you didn't show any sign of having an emotion beyond hunger, thirst, "she's hot", or bored.
Now, as if all of this wasn't enough, I'm also big on touch. I love a hug. I don't mean of this awkward "arms barely touch the person" hug. And I definitely don't mean the one hand hand-shake thing that then pulls into the slap on the back with the free hand aka the bro-hug. I mean a good squeeze. I also love to cuddle. My favorite thing about hanging out with my mini-me is that he's the same. If we're watching a movie or playing video games, chances are that one of us is leaning on the other. We are just touchy people, and it's awesome. Though, we are definitely the minority. After you've recovered from the traumatic experience of sharing your emotions with a guy, try hugging. Let me know how that works out for you.
The last ingredient in this recipe of insanity is that I don't separate friendships from relationships. Friendships are relationships. The unfortunate truth is that relationships require work. Especially relationships with me. We all have those friends that are more like acquaintances. I have them too. I have friends that I can hang out with and do nonsense things like video games, or playing catch. But I would much rather sit down and talk. It is really hard for me to have a long term surface level friendship. I also don't like chit chat. I want to know what is REALLY going on with you. I want to know what makes you tick. I want to know your joys, your hurts, you frustrations, the things that make you fall in love, and everything else. I want to know about your life up to this point. I love hearing about a person's family. The thing is, once we have gone to that "deeper level", we can talk about whatever. We could talk about the weather, sports, anything on the surface. I just have to know we can reach that deeper level of conversation.
One thing that I really struggle with is understanding that not everyone is in the same place as I am. It's hard for me to understand that not everyone pays attention like I do. I can be having a bad day, and putting out "the signs" and have no one notice. And I get mad. I think to myself "Well, they obviously don't care about me" and that is not the case. People just don't always pay attention. The other day, I walked in a room with my mini-me and knew instantly that something was wrong. I asked him about it twenty minutes later, and he said "Screw you, Sean! How did you know?". It has taken me a long time to understand that we are all gifted with different things. One of my gifts is this "sense". It has taken me an even longer time to accept that we all show we care through different ways, and that's okay. I think we get ourselves in trouble because we try to fit people into molds we have designed for them. Or we try to fit ourselves into other people's lives in a way we want to fit in. I would love for my friends to come to me when they are having a bad day. I would love to be the person they call to hang out with. But I'm not. I'm often pursuing them. I have to continue that role, no matter how difficult it gets. It's just the way I am, I guess.
Having friends like the ones I do has really presented me with a challenge. I need to play the role my friends need me to play, rather than the role I want them to need me to play. And I have to trust that the Lord will put the right people in my life to fulfill my needs.
My high school kids have taught me a lot about friendship. They have taught me how to put another person's needs before my own in regards to friendship. They allow me to play a certain role in their lives. That is a role devoid of hugs and expression of feelings. It is a role full of horsing around, teasing, and typical "male bonding" (Kill me). They love sharing experiences and reflecting on those experiences. They love trying to tackle me while I'm all like "Why are we touching? We're sweaty." or "We are shirtless and in the water. That means we should be swimming. Not jumping on each other. I feel like I could be arrested for this". Regardless of the constant Shenanigans, I fill a specific role in their lives and they show their love in totally different way than I do. Although that love is different, it is still love. And I love that.
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