My Friends of the Week

I have been awfully remiss in my blog posts over the last several months. Many times I have found myself wanting to collect my thoughts by writing, yet I never seem to make the time to do it. Hopefully, this will reignite the discipline in me to articulate myself more regularly. 

If you don't know or have forgotten, May brought my departure to Oregon for a brief five months to work at Young Life's Washington Family Ranch, much like it did last summer. While yes, I'm at the same location with some of the same people, the two summers could not be more different. Last summer taught me much about living in community, and the importance of community in my life. However, this summer has been the opposite. Over the last three months, my "knowledge" of friendship has been torn apart. Truthfully, I have somewhat prided myself, justified or not, in my ability to be a friend and my understanding of what friendships should look like. Now, I still hold true to my values in regards to healthy relationships and what those look like. That being said, I realized that I have been pigeon-holing my friendships. Friendship is the state of being friends. A friend is someone, generally outside of family or sexual relations, with whom one shares mutual affection. Thanks, dictionary.  "Open-ended" hardly begins to describe those definitions. So why have I always viewed it as a finite entity? What compelled me to view friendship in such constrained terms? I wish I had the answer, but I don't. Speculation would guess it was my insecurities and my desires to have my friends fulfill certain holes in my heart.

This summer has taught me to be content in the present. By that I mean not only the present time, but also physical present. Often my mind wanders to this place of comparison between the friends whom I am discovering, and the friends whom I have already known. In growing close to friends in one location, I have felt like I am doing a disservice to my friends from home or from another adventure. Because of this, I hold back. I hamper the amount I will invest and care because I am scared of growing close to someone new. Friendships are not mutually exclusive, it turns out. Nor does the definition of friendship limit the number of friends you may have. Many of us have heard that quote that says we only have two or three genuinely close friends at one time. The thing that people leave out is that those two or three friends may change as often as weekly. In trying this summer to invest in our high school volunteers (Work Crew), college volunteers (Summer Staff), and Interns, I have learned that I simply cannot handle all people at once. In fact, I am not supposed to do such a thing. For every person that I invest in and get to know, there are many others loving the people I cannot. And there is nothing wrong with that, which I say as much for my benefit as anyone else's.

Physical location has a lot of influence over with whom we are close. Simply, it is easier to be involved with those we see all the time. But, there will always be days where we need someone across a distance who has been with us for longer or knows a certain part of our lives better. Is it true that right now one of my closest friends is a soon-to-be senior who lives in Lake Oswego, OR? Yes. Today was our last day of spending almost every day together for twenty-one days. We chose to invest in one another and be parts of each other's lives. Wouldn't it be strange if he wasn't one of my closest friends? I think so. Does my close friendship with him, or anyone else out here, discredit any of my friendships back in the Midwest? Or from last summer? No. I am not betraying anyone by caring for and investing in another human being. Everyone, out of their inherent worth as a human, deserves to receive love and care. So, when Jesus places a high school student from Edmonds, WA, or a wild-man who tries to convince me to drop everything and travel around the world, in my path and on my heart, I say "party on". 

The hardest part in all of this is accepting that some friends are for a season, or multiple non-consecutive seasons. I have always wanted all of my friends to be constant and in one place. This, I have come to know, would cheapen all of them. If they were all with me all the time, how would I be able to invest in all of them? That would be a disservice. Allowing these friendships to exist separately is what allows me to love them all. The beauty of these friendships is that I can visit them when I need them, or when they need them.

"You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart always will be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place." 

Amen. And I would add that never being completely at home again is one of the most beautiful aches that I have ever known.

"Why don't you talk? I don't even know what you sound like."

The first redeeming quality of that treacherous is simple and takes far less writing than the others. Jasper and I couldn't be more different, and sometimes that is a bit intimidating. However, one of the things that we agree on is the need for quality time with a person. In expressing love, I much prefer touch and verbal communication, whereas Jasper would rather keep a three foot buffer around him with little to no invasion of that space. Jasper loves to show love through acts of service, which in turn I don't know how to receive. He also isn't terribly expressive verbally until it is really needed. But quality time we can come together on. And that trip to Pendleton, OR provided a great deal of that, as well as some leaning on one another for support and to keep spirits up. Whether it was driving in the car, walking around Wal-Mart, waiting for a miracle or a tow-truck, or spending the night in the hotel, we had plenty of quality time with each other. And let me tell you, when you see someone almost every day for 3.5 months, and then live 1,600 miles apart for 4 months, you really miss that physical presence in your life. 

Redeeming quality number two comes from a man whose name we do not know. We call him Scott because he looks like a Scott. Scott was the cook at the Rainbow Cafe. The place was set up in such a way that Jasper and I sat at a little bar and the kitchen was no more than five feet from our faces. We got to watch Scott cook and chat with him while we ate. It was really slow that night, so we got a lot of his attention. Scott is this older man, kinda rough around the edges, with white hair and a white beard, who is missing some of his teeth. Making small conversation, I asked if Scott had cooked all his life. Expecting a simple answer, what we received was so much better. He embarked on stories of going to culinary school, working at the Crater Lake Lodge and working his way up from making Omelettes to being the Sous Chef. We heard about the hierarchy of breakfast foods and what each post meant. He told us about getting to the Rainbow Cafe and how long he has been there and his highlights. He had a child tell him he made the best Reuben sandwich that she's had, and wrote him down in her list of Reubens.  He had a boy who had to be younger than 10 ask for crab cakes only to learn that they were out, and then he promptly changed his mind to a grilled cheese. I will say, writing these tidbits down, they don't have quite the impact that Jasper and I felt. That's because the importance was not in the information we acquired, but in the experience of having another human being share parts of his life with us. Scott exuded joy when telling his stories, and you could tell he delighted in sharing his experiences with us. Well, Scott, we certainly loved hearing them. If any of you find yourselves in Pendleton, OR you must go visit Scott at the Rainbow Cafe and eat some Pressure-Cooked Fried Chicken. He'll only be there for 3.5 more years, though, because he's retiring. Jasper and I want to go see him again sometime. It'd be well-worth it. 

Now the third experience is similar to our experience with Scott. However it was on a larger scale. We met Shawnie the receptionist at the Knight's Inn the night we checked in. She was the person who recommended Rainbow Cafe to us. That night I was over it all and was kind of joking and charming with great abandon. But hey, we got a sweet hotel room for pretty cheap. Anyway, that set the stage for our friendship. We chatted a little with her that night about whatever movie she was watching and about Pendleton. I didn't think much of it other than being friendly. The next morning, however, Shawnie was at the desk once again! Jasper and I had gone down to eat breakfast and ended up chatting with Shawnie for something like an hour and a half. Once again, we just made small talk about our room, the hotel, breakfast, the Rainbow Cafe. She asked us what we were doing in Pendleton and we told her. Simple things like that. Joking all throughout. She had a great sense of humor, and a boisterous laugh. It was just really fun to be around. At one point, she looked at Jasper and said "Why don't you talk? I don't even know what you sound like." Jasper replied something snarky about him being the brains and me being the mouthpiece (rude), and then proceeded to freak Shawnie out by talking in a British accent. She couldn't decide if he was American using a British Accent, or British using an America. Eventually she just said "yeah, I'm gonna need you to stop...". It was hilarious. 

Shawnie really told us a lot about her life. She told of her siblings, her mom, and what her life had looked like. It's a pretty cool redemption story. One of us asked her how she got to the Knight's Inn, and off she went. An hour later, we had heard about her perspective on taking charge of one's life. "if you're stuck somewhere, you might as well take advantage of the programs around you. Educate yourself, take yoga, learn to cook, so something! Your situations will only improve if you make them". We got to hear about learning to stand up for one's self, the importance of getting where you want to be - even if it means walking for miles in sweltering heat with your belongings on your back, the blessing of truly kind people, and her relationship with God. Shawnie has an appreciation for Life that I envy somewhat. She has come so far, and is moving up at the ol' Knights Inn in Pendleton, OR. I have hope for her. People like Shawnie just get it done, and are a light to those around them. 

People receive and show love through so many ways. Quality time is a commonality for Jasper and me. Apparently it works for Scott and Shawnie, too. There are few things I love more than a good story, and there are few things better than personal stories. I love listening to a person tell me about his or her life, and Jasper is better at listening than I am. We walked into the Knights Inn the night before wondering why we were stuck there, and pretty frustrated and saddened that we hadn't gotten to visit Justin. As corny as it may be, we left knowing that Pendleton, OR is exactly where we were supposed to be. 

I only hope that Scott and Shawnie got a fraction of what they gave us. 

Oh, the Places You'll Go: Pendleton, OR

I honestly had never heard of Pendleton, OR, so I obviously did not suspect that I would ever be staying the night there. But there I was, on a hotel bed with one Jasper Gerhardt on the other bed, trying to figure out what had just happened. What on earth was that day about?  Why were we stuck in Pendleton, OR instead of visiting Justin in Baker City? Why did the car break down while the two of us were driving it across central OR? Why was it on a Sunday when no mechanic shops were open? Why couldn't we have just gone a little further and meet Justin in La Grande? Why aren't I that upset?

I'm sure there were other questions. yet those are the ones that come to mind as I am writing this a couple days later. Now, I'll just get on with the story you all know is coming.

I've been in Oregon with Jasper since the 26th. The 27th, we got up and left the house at 7 a.m. to go see our friend Justin in Baker City. Probably about a four hour drive or so. Well, we were there was some snowy roads, so we were taking it easy, but still making decent time. After maybe 150 miles or so, the RPMs kept spazzing out on us, and lights were flashing on the dashboard. We pulled over, exploring various options. When Jasper opened the hood, I said "this ends my knowledge of how to fix the car". It's true. So, we poked around, Jasper called his parents, and we ended up checking the transmission fluid. There was zero fluid on the dipstick. Turns out we had a leak. That's okay, we will call triple A and get towed to Hermiston where it can't be that hard to fix. So, Jasper walked a ways down the highway to figure out where we were exactly, and the tow truck was on his way. Dave came to save the day, driving us to Hermiston with the car in tow. Only, then he gave us some tough news: All the mechanic shops in Hermiston are closed because it was Sunday.

Enter creative Sean and Jasper. We were dropped off in a mechanic's lot at First and Elm, right across the street from the Wal-Mart with very little hope. After some thinking, we thought we should check with Wal-Mart, so we walked over there and asked if they thought they could help us even though it was out of the realm of "lube and tire" service. They said yes, and hope was kindled once again! We just had to get the car across the street to Wal-Mart. Calling Triple A was a possibility, but did we do that? Of course not. It's just one major street that only takes 11.45 seconds to walk across so surely we can simply push the car across the street. We were poised and ready to do so. I mean, we had the timing of the lights down, we knew approximately how long it would take us, I was prepared to push like I'd never pushed before, and then a truck stops and offers to help. Turns out the guy is a mechanic of sorts, and he quickly assessed the issue: There was a cut in one of the transmission hoses. Wal-Mart could no longer help us. We were a little put out. We called Jasper's mom and she told us we probably needed to get a hotel in Hermiston for the night. Neither of us had any desire to do that. There's no way that our epic trip to visit Justin could end this way.

After trying to think in the car, I suggested we find wifi so I could be somewhat helpful in finding a hotel at least. Eventually, we walked into a starbucks, dejected, and went to work. However, I then thought of searching for mechanics is nearby towns and things like that. No luck. Back to hotels. However, once again determined not to be bested, we discovered the brilliant plan of getting towed to La Grande, and having Justin meet us. The game was on. We called triple A, it was all set, and then they asked our location. I told them we were in the parking lot of a mechanic's shop in Hermiston, and they told us they couldn't tow us. "We can't tow out of a mechanic's shop." "even if I haven't had any correspondence with the mechanic?" "Yeah, we would need some kind of verification" "Can you tow me if I get the car out of this parking lot?" "Yes" "okay, I'll call back". So I jumped out, Jasper steered, and we pushed that car about 500 feet into the next parking lot over, called back, they said someone would do it, and we were set. We went to Subway with a spring in our steps, ate lunch, got a call from triple A saying it would be 2.5 hours until they got to us but that was okay because we were going to Justin! We decided to walk back to the car after eating and after approximately 45 minutes had passed. As we were preparing to cross the street, our buddy Dave from D & R towing in Hermiston was already there getting the car ready to go! We climbed (literally climbed) into the cab and waited for the same driver as before to climb in with us. Off we went in good spirits and a little bit of excitement! Until Dave the driver told us that we might not be able to get through the pass to La Grande, but he would investigate. Investigation occurred, and he determined that it would not be wise, so he took us as far as Pendleton, and left us there.

At this point in the story, I think neither Jasper nor I had any care left. We were just accepting of our circumstances and doing whatever we could to make it through. We googled hotels nearby, settled on the Knight's Inn and walked about a mile in pretty good spirits. I think we were just happy to have a conclusion for the day and to be done trying. We ate dinner at the Rainbow Cafe and called it a night.

The next day, Jasper got up early and went down to the mechanic shop to find out that they could get us in early. They proceeded to do so, and then we were on our way back to Madras. Because this post is getting lengthy, I'm going to write a second one about the redeeming qualities of this trip. Jasper and I have had some really cool experiences together, this trip is actually among them. 

Abba's Child

I've been reading this book "Abba's Child" by Brennan Manning. I've had the book for years, tried to read it from time to time, and finally committed to it this summer. I don't read it often, largely because it takes me a bit to process the content. Sometimes I can read a page or two and have to put it down, while other times I can read a full chapter or two. This book has taught me to look at some things from a new perspective, challenged me, and confirmed some ideas that I've felt in my heart, but never verbalized. I want to share a couple passages. The chapter comparing the inner pharisee in us who carefully calculates all his actions, is judgmental, puts on face in order to filter what the world sees, tries to hold others to the standard of the law, etc. The child is honest, open, and simply exists. There is not facade. There is only genuine sincerity in all he does and feels.

"The child spontaneously expresses emotions; the pharisee carefully represses them...John Powell once said with sadness that as an epitaph for his parents' tombstone he would have been compelled to write: "Here lie two people who never knew one another." His father could never share his feelings, so his mother never got to know him. To open yourself to another person, to stop lying about your loneliness and your fears, to be honest about your affections, and to tell others how much they mean to you -- this openness is the triumph of the child over the pharisee and a sign of the dynamic presence of the Holy Spirit. "Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom" (2 Corinthians 3:17)

To ignore, repress, or dismiss our feelings is to fail to listen to the stirrings of the Spirit within our emotional life....

Emotions are our most direct reaction to our perception of ourselves and the world around us. Whether positive or negative, feelings put us in touch with our true selves. They are neither good nor bad: They are simply the truth of what is going on within us. What we do with our feelings will determine whether we live lives of honesty or of deceit. When submitted to the discretion of a faith-formed intellect, our emotions serve as trustworthy beacons for appropriate action or inaction. The denial, displacement, and repression of feelings thwarts self-intimacy."

I just love these passages. I read them for the first time, almost dropped the book, and had to re-read them a couple times. These passages articulated my heart. I've always been a hot mess of emotion, and I've apologized for that thinking I shouldn't be that way. However, in the last couple of years I have believed that we feel things for a reason. There isn't any connotation there, it is simply how we are reacting, and that reaction must be experienced. I love it. And when you are comfortable enough to share these inner longings of your heart, or the way your heart hurts or loves or feels, genuine friendship can be attained. It's an incredible experience. I've been fortunate enough to experience that mutual trust and honesty with friends, and I'm better for it. There are times when it is the scariest, hardest thing that you have ever done, but I promise it is worth it. 

Over the summer, Jasper (my best friend at the ranch) ran into emotional Sean a lot. He would worry, but I'd just tell him "Jasper, I have to feel this out. Yes, I'm mad. Let me be mad. I won't be mad for long, but I have to experience the emotion." Eventually Jasper and I got to a place where he knew. He knew when to hug me, he knew when to let me blow of steam, and he knew when to push me to open up. Because of that trust, I was able to tell him when something had hurt me that was related to him, and we were able to move through it. And then he shared the same things. I could share my insecurities with him, and he could share his troubles with me. That kind of friendship lends itself to complete comfort with one another, and just the highest quality of relationship. I want everyone to know that. I know that insecurity can be debilitating, and the most terrifying thing. My prayer is that each person knows this genuine love and friendship with at least one other. You will be happier for it, I guarantee. 

The Return "Home"

This is something I feel I have been avoiding. The reasoning behind that is uncertain to me, so I have no clue how I might explain it in writing. Even as this page loaded and I saw the blank space before me, waiting to be filled with me thoughts, I was overcome with a strong emotion, the likes of which I can't explain (I'm sensing a theme). I think I have probably been in denial about my return home. While yes, I have physically been here, and mentally, my heart is still back in Oregon. Facing that is difficult for me, and isn't something that I particularly want to do. I've know this is the case, but I haven't actually processed it. All things in due time, I suppose.

My experiences out at Washington Family Ranch absolutely changed my life. I learned the capacity of my heart, the humanness of emotion, and the limitations of Sean. Friendships blossomed, my heart healed, my will was challenged, and my faith grew. My heart broke at least four times, I felt so alone, and I experienced frustration and defeat to a degree that I have never before seen. People loved me more than I thought they could, and I loved them. Multiple families took me in faster than I thought possible. Oh, and I also cooked meals for five hundred people daily, led a crew of volunteers, and ran a kitchen. Then I drove back half-way across the country with a dear, dear friend, slept in a miserably hot hotel room, visited a college, saw old friends, and returned to Wichita. 

Before I went to Oregon, I absolutely called Wichita "home". However, now it feels strange. "Home" cannot possibly feel like what I've been feeling. Now, this isn't to say that I haven't been happy. I have been thrilled to see everyone, work with them, live with them, etc, but how can this be home when my heart is in the Pacific Northwest? How am I to love all these people with whom I didn't speak for 3.5 months? I feel so "out of the loop". So much can change in that length of time, and so much did change in that length of time. I know that while I was growing and changing, so were my friends. Explaining the differences in me seems an impossible task, and understanding the changes in my friends - how their experiences shaped them this summer when I wasn't here to experience with them - seems to be the same. Right now, Antelope, OR with some of my best friends in the world feels way more like home than Wichita does. I've absolutely been scared to face this. Writing it down means I'm processing it, and that is what I have been running to avoid. I don't want to realize how much my heart aches. I don't want to long for that place and those people. I don't want to have to get to know my best friends here in Wichita all over again, but that's almost what it seems like I have to do. I don't want to observe the grief of a broken heart that is simultaneously filled with joy of a return to a once-loved place.

More than anything, I want to be back in that God-forsaken bunk-bed having Pillow Talk with Justin and Swan, or listening to Jasper recite poetry to us. I want to play piano with Jasper. I want to quote Madea with Tayler while doing our best to feed so many people. I want to lean on Justin when my heart hurts. I want to stay up late talking about life with Kristin. I want Emily to yell my name across the kitchen in the way only she ever did. I want to hear Coleen's and Becca's hearts and have them hear mine. I want to work for ten hours in a kitchen with college kids I've never met but love dearly. I want to be present in Wichita. I want to practice diligently and continue learning to sing. I want to serve the students I accompany well. I want to love my best friends. I want to dive into community with my roommates. I want to help lead a music ministry at church. But man, this is difficult. I feel like I'm putting on face, but I don't know how to not. I told a dear friend "sometimes getting through is all you can do. It doesn't have to look pretty, in fact it probably won't, but at least you got through it". Well, time to eat my own words. I have to get through and know that this, too, shall pass. There's reasoning behind all of it. 

This summer changed my life. I want to go back, and hopefully I will be back there at some point. But for now I need to be "home". I'm blessed by a great community of people here in Wichita. I have a mentor, I have three roommates who keep me on my toes, jobs that I love, a great voice teacher, wonderful friends, a loving family near by, a piano, a guitar, a church, and so many things beyond these. We just have to get to know each other again. I'm different, all those things are different, so it's time to own that, dive into differences, and see how they compliment each other. I know they will. I trust that Jesus has His hand on all of it. I just have to choose to see it.

Week 1 of Summer Camp

Summer camping is in full swing! We closed our first week of camp today. So, with that comes our long-term volunteers!! I have four summer staffers on the PM shift. I love them so stinkin' much. Truly. They are incredible. Their names are Rachel, Lindsay, Corey, and Joel.

Rachel is a super sweet person who is really easily overwhelmed. She isn't sure she can't handle anything, but she really can. She's intelligent, a good worker, and just sincere. The strangest things make her laugh, which in turn makes me laugh. Lindsay is a champ. She's a really hard worker, she's quick and very thorough. She's the baby, having just graduated high school. Her laugh is really loud and infectious. I know that I can count on her for any job and she isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. Corey is a really interesting person. He had a stroke when he was 9 months old, and so he has limited use of his right hand. Fortunately, he has a good work ethic and makes up for it. It isn't something I even notice half the time. I frequently tell him he's a sassafras because of all that sass. He's hilarious, though. It isn't the blatant sass. He just has really sassy facial expressions. We laugh a lot because of Corey. Then there's Joel. Joel has a sweet, sincere heart that really shows....when he isn't flirting with all the girls. And he is fast in the kitchen. Man. I know I can give him a job and have it done quickly and done well. He has already started telling me bits and pieces about his life, and I love getting to know him. He's really touchy. I can always count on at least five hugs per shift from Joel. We have a good time. He's my grill-buddy for grilling pineapple. I really love them all so much already. If any of them needed something, I would go running. Truly.

As the PM intern, my days start around 10:30 or 11. I get done anywhere from 8:30 to 11:30. There are some 12 hour days, but at the end of the day I am always in a good mood. My crew and I close each day out with some highlights and areas of improvement, followed by praying. It's just great to do that with each other. I love that time with them. My one responsibility as far as the food goes is dinner. I'm in charge of all dinners. If the AM shift needs help with lunch, we'll jump in and help them with that as soon as we get in there, but if not then we just start on dinner.

Day 1: Tri-tip beef, Garlic Mashed Potatoes, Salad, Rolls, and Dirt'n'Worms for dessert
Day 2: Spaghetti with meat sauce, Caesar salad, garlic bread sticks, and Trainwreck (big brownie fresh out of the oven with ice cream on top) for dessert
Day 3: Enchiladas, Santa Fe salad, Cilantro Lime Rice, Mexican Chocolate cupcakes for dessert
Day 4: Luau dinner! Polynesian Pulled Pork, Coconut Rice, Mango Salsa, Rolls, Mandarin Orange Salad, and Pineapple Coconut cake for dessert.
Day 5: It varies. We don't have campers, so I'm just cooking for the Volunteer Team.

That's all I have for now. I don't spend tons of the time with the interns right now. We are all busy with our jobs, and my job keeps me late. But it's good. It just makes me cherish the time with them that I do get.

P.S. The Camp Musician can SING. Her name is Claire Beck. Man. She's awesome.

Community

This place, and these people, have stolen my heart. I feel kind of silly having grown to love this all so much in such a short time, but it is the state of things. 

I've worked two weekends in the kitchen thus far. Weekends are the important parts, as that is when we have groups in camp during the off-season. The first weekend I had only two work crew beneath me, and they captured my affection, too. That was such a difficult weekend. We had SO MUCH work to do and not the hands to do it. My other interns saved me on a couple different occasions. I am so blessed by my team. Truly. Anyway, the work was hard, but we pulled it off. This last weekend, I had five people on my shift, and not enough work. It was awesome. It was pretty low-key, and we were able to just enjoy what we were doing rather than run frantically around. 

This intern community is still wonderful. We continue to grow closer each day. We have an awesome group of guys. Three of us are pretty affectionate people. As Jasper, one of the kitchen interns, put it "I had know idea guys were so touchy-feely until I met you, Swan, and Justin". It's a lot of fun. Though three of us are similar in that aspect, we are all so different, and I think that's why it works. Jasper and I have gotten to know each other especially well. We work together, so that helps. Plus, I'm not afraid to dig around and ask questions. He isn't the most forthright with information, but if you ask the right questions then he will get talking. It's cool to hear glimpses of the lives of the interns. I'm able to understand them so much more and it helps me figure out how to best love them, ya know? Jasper told me that he hasn't met someone who is so interested in knowing people the way that I want to know people. I took it as a compliment. 

Justin is also one with whom I have bonded well. We are like-hearted individuals. He is going through some stuff right now that hits home with me. It's wonderful to have each other to bounce ideas off of and discuss what we are going through.

I'm just so excited for this summer as it continues. I'm excited for more adventures with the interns. We went to one of the highest places on property for sunset one night. Today three of us drove to Bend, OR for some bro-time and to buy some things that we needed. Two hours of driving one way lends itself to getting to know each other really well. There are lots of shenanigans around the ranch, as well, specifically in the intern housing. Jasper takes a lot of crap from Swan and Justin. They all three take turns telling each other bedtime stories, hahaha. It's hilarious. I'm just grateful for this opportunity to love one another and learn to be vulnerable. It's something that I sometimes struggle with, but it just gets easier.

Sunset from the Firetower

Lastly, I'd be okay with seeing my best friends from home. I don't miss home, and I'm beyond happy here, but it'd be cool if I could have the best of both worlds. Is that just too much to ask? I suppose so. I'll take what I can get :-) There's a plan in all of this. Of that I am confident.