They Missed a Love Language or Two...

I apologize in advance for any typos in this. It was 1:35 AM, and I am not proofreading this right now.

This weekend has been a busy one. I got to spend time with friends, with myself, with God, with music, and with the kitchen. I'm convinced that there is an additional love language: food. It has to be. Nothing says fellowship more than sharing a meal together. One of my favorite things to do is cook for people (because it is late, when I first typed that, it said "one of my favorite things to do is cook people"... Please know that I do not in fact cook people). I don't really know what it is, but I absolutely love. I hate cooking when I'm the only one eating it. I think part of it is knowing that college students love a home-cooked meal. I know that by doing that, I am loving them. Another part of is that I secretly love to show off. I can hear Lizzy thinking "what part of that is a secret?". Rude. But I do. I love cooking "extravagant" things for people. Truthfully, none of it is extravagant; it just seems extravagant. I love things that seem impressive, but actually require very little work. My somewhat recent good friend Andrew came over Friday night, and we ate dinner together. After that, we went to try to see Home Run. All we knew about it is that it involved Young Life in some way. It was sold out, so we saw Olympus has Fallen. Andrew bought my ticket in exchange for dinner. Welcome to the Man-date. Best thing ever. I was not mentally prepared for the movie. So intense. But so good. Anyway, after that, I went to a choir party and brought a dessert I had made. It was another super simple thing that people love. And I love sharing that with people. Fun was had by all. Winner.

On Saturday, I got to share my love of music with people. I played for a really talented senior in high school at her senior recital. It was a joy. Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't charge people for accompanying, because I really love it and I love providing that service for people. However, that feeling is generally short-lived. But the love that I feel lasts for quite a while. In addition to that, I got to perform with my quartet, the Shockappellas, today. We sang the national anthem at a WSU softball game. I think the love that is formed when you achieve something together is my favorite. I truly cannot articulate what those guys have come to mean to me in the short time we have been working together. I love them. We rely on each other in performance and out of performance. From a professional standpoint, we must count on each other to learn parts, be on time, and communicate about performances and rehearsals. From a friendship standpoint, we all watch out for each other. I know I could call on them to help me in a bind. We laugh together almost more than we sing. And when we achieve something great, it is almost always followed up by a hug - both group hug and individual hugs. I truly wish that each of you gets to experience something like this group.

A confrontational love is one of the hardest loves to accept. Problems WILL arise in relationships. It is just the way things go. Handling those problems is when things get tricky. I am always a firm believer in speaking one's mind, especially in situations where something is amiss. Saturday night, I had the opportunity to practice what I preach. It was difficult. I'd like to think that it gets easier, but that isn't really the case. The only redeeming quality of confronting conflict is that reconciliation often comes quickly after. Many people prefer to sweep things under the rug, so to speak. Believe me when I say this: You can't do that your whole life. I mean, you can, but it is just not worth it. Things never resolve. And when they don't resolve, they tend to fester, successfully aggrandizing the issue. No es bueno. I truly can't decide which is more difficult: initiating or receiving confrontation. Neither are easy. Both are necessary. Both are easier when you trust the conversation is stemming from a place of love.

You will probably read about this idea of filling a need for someone a lot in this blog. And when I say filling a need, that can be anything. I fill a need in the music ministry at church. I fill a need for my Mini Me in that I'm his accompanist... and one of his only straight friends (fine arts. not our fault. But we rely on each other for the occasional dose of testosterone). Today at campaigners (bible study with my Young Life guys), we talked about Doubting Thomas. Doubting Thomas is my favorite person in the bible. Not necessarily because he didn't believe, but because of how Jesus reacts.

http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%2020:%2019-31&version=NIV

Thomas needed to see in order to believe, which is a feeling I think we can all relate to, spiritually or not. And what did Jesus do? He showed up. He reached out to Thomas and offered the evidence Thomas needed. Jesus met Thomas exactly where he was, and fulfilled Thomas' need. Jesus didn't ridicule him; he simply provided for Thomas. Wow. It is such a comfort to know that the God of the universe will provide for me in the exact way that I need.

Today, I officially had the opportunity to fulfill a very tangible need for one of my YL guys. He needs help in school, so I am tutoring him. He is a great kid. He told me about his grades, and I immediately felt that I should tutor him. The fact of the matter is that I don't have a lot of time. However, I knew that this was supposed to happen. Today we spent about an hour planning out study schedules, homework schedules, discussing note taking, and studying vocab by relating it to video games. Shenanigans. As I was leaving, I said "I believe in you". His response: "I think I'm starting to believe in myself again". My eyes are filling with tears as I type this. Being there for my YL kid in this way is one of the most humbling experiences. It is the first time one of them has really needed me. I feel like this is just the tiniest glimpse of what Jesus felt for Thomas. Jesus provides for us which, in turn, allows us to provide for others. It is a beautiful thing. All of these "loves" that I have talked about are ways in which I can provide for others. Loving people is different for each person, giving and receiving. But I know one thing. If your eyes are open, you will how to love. Whether it is through Shenanigans, or straightforward, you can see it. People are really bad at hiding what the need. We all wear our hearts on our sleeves. It's just a matter of looking.

"That's the hardest place to be: between friend and uh.. friendlier"

If someone gets that title reference, they will be my hero. Although the quote is actually talking about the difference between friends and dating, I'm talking about friends. I'm an intense friend. It is a fact of life. I'm also high maintenance. I don't show it on the outside, but I am. In addition to all of that, I'm hyper sensitive to people's demeanor, tone, and general feelings. It's obnoxious. So, add hyper-sensitivity to an already moderately insecure person when it comes to relationships, and you have me. Hot mess express, let me tell you. 

I suck at being friends with guys. I'm much better at hanging out with girls. They like to sit and talk. They are more willing to discuss feelings. I'm all about it. However, and I speak from experience, tell a guy "Hey, this is making feel like *insert emotion here*" and see what happens. You'll likely get the "uh..." or the deer in the head lights, or they will laugh and think you're joking. So then you're in this awkward situation where you can choose to run and hide (my personal favorite), play it off as a joke, or awkwardly change the subject and pretend you didn't show any sign of having an emotion beyond hunger, thirst, "she's hot", or bored. 

Now, as if all of this wasn't enough, I'm also big on touch. I love a hug. I don't mean of this awkward "arms barely touch the person" hug. And I definitely don't mean the one hand hand-shake thing that then pulls into the slap on the back with the free hand aka the bro-hug. I mean a good squeeze. I also love to cuddle. My favorite thing about hanging out with my mini-me is that he's the same. If we're watching a movie or playing video games, chances are that one of us is leaning on the other. We are just touchy people, and it's awesome. Though, we are definitely the minority. After you've recovered from the traumatic experience of sharing your emotions with a guy, try hugging. Let me know how that works out for you.

The last ingredient in this recipe of insanity is that I don't separate friendships from relationships. Friendships are relationships. The unfortunate truth is that relationships require work. Especially relationships with me. We all have those friends that are more like acquaintances. I have them too. I have friends that I can hang out with and do nonsense things like video games, or playing catch. But I would much rather sit down and talk. It is really hard for me to have a long term surface level friendship. I also don't like chit chat. I want to know what is REALLY going on with you. I want to know what makes you tick. I want to know your joys, your hurts, you frustrations, the things that make you fall in love, and everything else. I want to know about your life up to this point. I love hearing about a person's family. The thing is, once we have gone to that "deeper level", we can talk about whatever. We could talk about the weather, sports, anything on the surface. I just have to know we can reach that deeper level of conversation.

One thing that I really struggle with is understanding that not everyone is in the same place as I am. It's hard for me to understand that not everyone pays attention like I do. I can be having a bad day, and putting out "the signs" and have no one notice. And I get mad. I think to myself "Well, they obviously don't care about me" and that is not the case. People just don't always pay attention. The other day, I walked in a room with my mini-me and knew instantly that something was wrong. I asked him about it twenty minutes later, and he said "Screw you, Sean! How did you know?". It has taken me a long time to understand that we are all gifted with different things. One of my gifts is this "sense". It has taken me an even longer time to accept that we all show we care through different ways, and that's okay. I think we get ourselves in trouble because we try to fit people into molds we have designed for them. Or we try to fit ourselves into other people's lives in a way we want to fit in. I would love for my friends to come to me when they are having a bad day. I would love to be the person they call to hang out with. But I'm not. I'm often pursuing them. I have to continue that role, no matter how difficult it gets. It's just the way I am, I guess.

Having friends like the ones I do has really presented me with a challenge. I need to play the role my friends need me to play, rather than the role I want them to need me to play. And I have to trust that the Lord will put the right people in my life to fulfill my needs. 

My high school kids have taught me a lot about friendship. They have taught me how to put another person's needs before my own in regards to friendship. They allow me to play a certain role in their lives. That is a role devoid of hugs and expression of feelings. It is a role full of horsing around, teasing, and typical "male bonding" (Kill me). They love sharing experiences and reflecting on those experiences. They love trying to tackle me while I'm all like "Why are we touching? We're sweaty." or "We are shirtless and in the water. That means we should be swimming. Not jumping on each other. I feel like I could be arrested for this". Regardless of the constant Shenanigans, I fill a specific role in their lives and they show their love in totally different way than I do. Although that love is different, it is still love. And I love that.

Out of the Mouths of Gremlins

I used to work with Young Life's middle school ministry called Wyldlife. Used to. Only tonight, they needed help with an event, so I said I would do it. Ever seen the Amazing Race? It was kind of like that only less intense and contained to east Wichita. I ended up driving a truck I had never driven before, full of kids I had never met before, to places I had never been before. Well, only one place was new to me, but it made for a really great sentence. I digress. Anyway, I'm "obeying the speed limits" around Wichita, dropping these kids off to do ridiculous things like eat french fries through a giant straw and wrap the Chick-Fil-A cow in toilet paper. We won (obviously). I ignore the fact that one of the stations wasn't functioning, so we got a fast forward.

 As I was driving to our last stop (wrapping the cow), one of the kids looked at me and said "Hey, I'm going to take my clothes off if that's alright with you"..........

WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?!?!?!?!?! "Um, how about not, because I don't want to get arrested for pedophilia". Because we are trying to show them that Jesus loves everyone, even the nudists, I simply said "Hey, whatever floats your boat". Please know that I was fully prepared to prevent this child from being naked in the vehicle. He stopped after removing his shirt. He ran around shirtless for the rest of the race, and for a while after that.

Also, I have to tell you about a kid named Carter. Carter and I met last summer at Wyldlife camp, and I absolutely love that kid. I got to see him tonight. He is actually one of the main sources of inspiration for the title of "Shenanigans". He told me once "Sean, if you were a stripper, I'd make it rain". It floored me. Very rarely am I speechless. That was one of those times.

Anyway, once everyone had regrouped, and my victory (okay, fine, "our" victory") had been announced, the area director for Young Life, Shep, gave a talk on John 5: 1-9 which you can read at http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John%205&version=NIV. Shep used this passage as a spring board for this idea of "what are we using to block God's love from pouring into us?". For the invalid, it might have been that he had no one to help him get well, as he told Jesus. However, Jesus did not ask him why he wasn't well. Jesus asked him if he wanted to be well. Did he want his life to be different? Jesus is not talking about the physical ailment alone. He is talking about healing of the spiritual nature; healing from sin.

This question then follows: Do we want to be healed? I say yes. And I wish it was as simple as that. But I have to wonder what I am using to block God's love from fully pouring into me. I know a big one is time. Not that I do not have time, but that I do not make time. Let's be honest with ourselves. We all have time. It's just a matter of sacrificing a little and committing it to God. I am beyond horrible at that.
The reason I brought up Carter is this: on the way back from Wyldlife camp, he was sitting next to me on the bus. All of a sudden, he busted out his ancient King James bible, and jumped into Genesis. He sat there amid the madness of a Young Life bus ride, and quietly read the first 8 chapters of Genesis. Talk about a punch to the gut. If a 11 year old can do it in a noise filled bus after one of the more action-packed weeks of his life, I can do it in the peace and quiet of my own home, before or after a long day. But I don't. And that is something I really need to examine.

I think we all have our own struggles. I have many that go beyond a simple time commitment. But I think it is invaluable to identify them. If we can't identify them, or if we are convinced that we are doing it correctly, then how can we move forward? How can we work through these Shenanigans that we work ourselves into? I don't have the answer. I don't know that I ever will. But what I do have are middle school guys that continually teach me about the Lord, about loving people, about having fun, and about Shenanigans. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

What's "Shenanigans", Precious?

A little background: I'm a junior Vocal Performance major, I work with youth through an organization called Young Life, I work with the music ministry at my church, I'm in a barbershop quartet, I accompany four people on piano, I take organ lessons, and somewhere in there, I try to be a good friend. I don't have a lot of extra time. Not to mention, I'm an emotional basket case about seventy-five percent of the time. Solid, right? Needless to say, time to process my thoughts and emotions is really important to me, and when I don't get it I kind of start to lose it. That might look like me going dark side and just not talking to anyone. It might be me being the exact opposite. Either way, I'm off balance and it is obvious. That's where this blog comes in. I finally decided to take my life, and instead of going to therapy like a sane person would, I'm going to start writing about it for the public eye. What can I say? I'm a glutton for punishment. 

There's a reason this blog is titled "Shenanigans". That seems to be the theme for my life. I lived in a retired fire station with five guys, a pregnant woman (don't worry, she is married to one of the guys), two cats that sucked at being cats, and a Great Dane who might as well have been another person. Who does that? No one in his right mind. Through Young Life, I take kids to camp over the summer. Inevitably, that involves a "gremlin" falling asleep on me, or styling my hair with shaving cream (I have really long hair), or popping giant, freezing-cold water balloons over my head. I have had lemonade dumped on me, been kissed by some random high school boy that I did not know, and listened to some of the worst jokes in the world, all in an effort to make me laugh. Did any of it work? Absolutely not. I was too pissed about being soaked in lemonade. Rude.

 

Being a fine arts major, I deal with the crazies. And I use crazy in every denotation and connotation that comes with it. You know all those stereo-types that you think of when you hear "fine arts major"? Well, stereo-types are based in fact. They couldn't be more accurate, yet at the same time, they completely miss the mark. If dealing with musicians, dancers, and actors on a regular basis doesn't constitute "shenanigans" then I have no idea what does. Plus, I take voice from a 68 year old, unforgivably sassy woman affectionately referred to as "Crumbles"... whom I am slowly turning into....

There are definitely a few friends that you will read a lot about. My roommate's name is Aaron. Aaron and I keep accidentally scaring each other. One of these days, he's going to get punched. Then there's my twin, Meredith... Dear lord. Suffice it to say that in the early stages of our friendship, we bonded over a mutual desire to karate chop people whenever they irritated us. I have a mini me named Matt, and he is simply that. He is me but two years ago. And red-headed. Then there's Lizarda. No, she is not a lizard, but she is my best friend from high school who continually sasses me, and tells me how funny she is (even though she's not funny at all). These four keep me on my toes. They know me better than most. I have a unique relationship with each of them. And they all love my mom. In fact, I'm sometimes convinced they love Mama Foster more than me. You'll hear about Mom a lot, too.

I think the biggest thing you should know about me is that I over think everything. I over think relationships, faith, music, cooking, furniture, everything in my life. So be ready for that. Chances are, if you're reading this, we will disagree on things. And that's okay. But know that I'm not going to shy away from topics. In fact, the reason I finally decided to start this blog is that I was really having a hard time understanding the world's views on sex (don't worry, I'm not jumping into that right now). My favorite thing about writing is that it forces me to organize and examine my thoughts. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to find out what I really think about friendships. I'm going to find out what I really think about trusting people with my thoughts and feelings. Sometimes, I'm going to simply write about my gremlins and the hysterical things they do. I don't know what all this will be. But I do know that it will be me. And that's all I can hope for. That, and Shenanigans.